The waiting game
Saturday is the day that I used to dread. Especially in high school when the girls with boyfriends had balloons, flowers, and teddy bears that matched them in size to mark the fact that they were without a doubt, “taken”. Obviously they had this dating game nailed and they were loved endlessly and would drift off into a ‘happily ever after’ and the ‘high school sweetheart’ story that those sappy country songs praised. Right? Not exactly. Not for most anyway.
Although I’m a sucker for all things romantically whimsical and sappy, and had my small dose of high school giddiness, I was thankfully shown at an early age what love-worth-waiting-for looked like. I knew that the good Lord above had it all figured out, and although there were times of utter frustration, I knew that there was someone worth waiting for.
But what I also saw was that timeline that I’d created when I was in my early teens. You know the one, in fact, this really ridiculous game called MASH told me exactly what my future would look like. Kidding. But I did use it to enhance my daydreams a time or two. At an early age I had decided when I was going to land the perfect job, at what year I would be married and the exact age I would be when I birthed my first child.
Then life happened and thankfully my plans fell by the wayside. If I would have had the ink to scribe what I thought my ideal life looked like, I would have made a mess and got it all wrong.
So during this Hallmark-sappy love-filled-week my heart is tender for those who are ‘waiting’. Or for those who have lost their ever-after. Those whose hearts aren’t content and yearn for someone to fill that special desire. Although I can’t possibly know each circumstance I can say that at one time I, too, was alone. I was that girl with no balloons, conversation hearts or a flower delivery. Sure my daddy never let me go without some necessary chocolate, but I still hadn’t met ‘the one’.
These little tidbits are for you, the one who still has the right to wave her hand in the air and announce that ‘if he likes then he needs to put a big glamorous shiny diamond ring on it’…or something like that.
Let me first start by saying that I wish I had embraced every single piece of this advice myself. I would be lying to you to admit that there were no tears, no cartons of ice cream devoured and that I didn’t spend hours wondering when I would meet Mr.Right.
Marriage is a two person team and you aren’t the center anymore. Truth. Although I like to climb on the pedestal and flash my crown, sometimes I have to remember that it’s now a ‘we’ thing. Marriage calls us to do as Christ intended and ‘become one’. As great as that sounds you can’t become one until you know, you. Use this precious time as a single all-about-you gal and learn all that you can about who you are. Discover what your dreams are, if you haven’t yet, start diving into what your purpose in life looks like. Discover the little things. What makes you tick? What are your passions? What are some of those ‘bucket list items’ that you’ve always wanted to accomplish? What do you absolutely desire in a future spouse, the things that mustn’t waiver? It’s easy to compromise so knowing the ins and outs of who you are will only aid in discerning, what and who, you need as a helpmate for the rest of your life.
Let’s be honest, slumber parties, late night coffee dates, routine shopping trips, bestie talks that carry over until wee hours of the morning are some of life’s best medicine – late night laughter is good for the soul. However, this isn’t so easy when you have a spouse. Not that I’m saying it comes to a sudden halt, but dynamics change. You share life with someone else now and they rightly become the number one priority. This isn’t a bad thing but reality is that it does change, so take this time to embrace the singleness. Spend time investing in others, get involved in a charity or mission project. Use this time before the responsibility of marriage to soak up this special season of your life.
It might sound contradictory, but hear me out…. in order to ‘be ready’ we must be in a state of independence. Yep that’s right. As great as it might be to think that Mr.Wonderful will fill every void and satisfy your every need, that’s false. It’s an outright lie. A spouse is created to help us walk through life, to join us in the journey and to fulfill the Creators purpose as team. During this time soak up being totally dependent on Him, capital H. During this precious time He will romance you like you’ve never known, and He will develop your heart and prepare you for the journey ahead. He wants to be able to set the standard and call you His before any helpmate comes and sweeps you away. He is your creator and He will be the best Valentine that you’ve ever had until he decides to send Prince Charming galloping your way or uses Cinderella to drop her glass slipper in your presence.
That’s right. Go and do. Be the best you, you can be, and enjoy this time without other family dynamics, without another’s time schedule, and without having to share your life fully with someone else. Marriage is a beautiful thing, something I wouldn’t trade for the world, but use this time to develop who you are and what your heart truly desires. Also use this time to pray for your husband/wife and your future marriage. One thing I’m so thankful that I did during this time was to pray and write love letters to my future spouse. Every letter described a certain feeling, a milestone and a genuine and deep care for the man God created for me. Ladies, trust me, your future husband will appreciate this.
I’m genuinely praying for you today and on the most sappiest holiday of the year. My prayer is that the Lord protects your heart and that He does a wonderful work in you until you meet your future companion. I pray that their heart will also be covered in protection. I pray for discernment and guidance and that the Lord’s grace covers you both during this fleeting moment of singleness. For those who are hurting, I pray specifically today that the Lord will continue to put people in your path to encourage you and lift you up. That Jesus will romance you, speak tenderly to your heart and show you that He can heal the brokenness and whisper sweetly to your soul.