Five lessons from four years
Warning this post is both parts gush + reality. As we enter our anniversary month I’m reminded of the little things, the things so easily neglected because of life’s busy schedules, travel plans, or just plain unawareness of how easy it is for time to speed on by. It takes a conscious effort to neglect house jobs, to-do list, shut off phones and just enjoy each other. I’m also reminded that in my world my husband does wear a cape and swoop in to save the world much like a superhero. Before I speak, superman can tell how I’m really feeling with just one look, when I wake in the morning and I have my grumpy pants on superman knows that a coffee is needed stat and when I fall short, as we all do, superman forgives.
‘Marriage isn’t easy’, was a short little saying that I have heard time and time again, yet it’s not until you live it that you begin to understand what those three little words entail. I’ll be the first to say that marriage is THE best thing to ever happen but I will also advise that every good and amazing thing takes work. Marriage is waking everyday with an intention to be a team, to be selfless, and to choose to love.
As we’re celebrating the four year mark I thought I’d share some of the things we try to be better at everyday….
Date nights are essential. Make time for them, schedule them in and stick to it even if other things might come up. S and I usually discuss on a Sunday what the next weeks has in store for us and it has helped on so many occasions, it enables us to keep up with each other’s crazy schedules as well as make time for each other accordingly.
Another essential. I’m not a mind reader and either is he – thank you Jesus, I for one could wear someone right out with all that floats up in my crazy brain. The best example I can think of is when we’ve planned a day – I’m a planner – so when it doesn’t go just as anticipated I get a little bent out of shape. While sometimes it calls for an attitude adjustment, eight times out of ten things could’ve been prevented with accurate, open and honest communication. On a more serious note if I come home happy-go-lucky and S comes home dull and tired and the day hasn’t been asked about or communicated, I can slip into thinking that he’s irritated or upset without really just airing that he’s had a long day and needs some time to decompress.
If I learned only one thing about marriage it’s this, timing is everything. Know your spouse and what his internal clock is like and vice versa. I for one know that when the clock strikes 10:30pm all serious convos must conclude or the man in the house turns into a grumpy pumpkin, a cute rambley grumpy pumpkin might I add. Just like there can’t be any ‘to-dos’ or convos in the morning about what needs to be done because the princess in the house needs a cup o’ joe first thing and likes to take her peaceful quiet time to get going. Know when the best time of the day is to discuss bigs things or just things for that matter. For us it’s when we’re driving in the car, together, alone and with no technology or when we’re sipping our nightly decaf tea (the mr.) and decaf coffee (the mrs.). The sooner you can get this down pat the better – trust me.
They say a picture paints a thousand words and I’d say the same goes for affection. The kiss you leave with them before they walk out of the door or grabbing their hand out of the blue will say more than words can sometimes. Keep intimacy and time for love a priority. God intended it to be that way for a reason and passion is fun so don’t let it be forgotten.
The number one thing that I’ve learned about wedded bliss is that marriage is the most incredible gift. I feel so blessed by the man God called me to marry and every single day with him is a blessing in itself!
Here’s to four years into forever!